Jesus As A Thong by phildesignart
I think Mormonism is a hysterical con, invented by a swindler to get pussy.
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Like A Boss
lol…..very bad
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Proof!!
so i already posted this little tid bit over on my main blog about a week or so ago but i was just scrolling through and read through it again and couldn’t help but laugh at the blasphemy and irony of it all i figured what the hell i’ll share it over here as well… it is a blasphemy blog after all….
anyhow…. i think i’ll call this and any other stories from my past that i will possibly share in the future “Courtney’s random confessions”… so here it goes.
Courtney’s random confessions - vol. 1
i have had a rather intense history with religions my entire life but for the purpose of my little confession i am about to share we are going to focus just on the Catholic side… which is the religion of my mothers side of the family… my fathers “religion(s)” is definitely a whole other fucked up, highly dark and twisted tale all together… i am sure at some point i’ll share a bit about that as well… but for now, like i said will focus solely on my mothers side, the Catholic portion of my upbringing…
my mother had left the church at some point before i was born for reasons that are still unclear to me…but after being absent from the church for several years decided that she needed to reintroduce religion back into her life and into mine and my sisters lives as well… mostly from pressure from my very Irish Catholic Grandfather…. so anyhow that was what she did. we were suddenly full throttle involved in the church and attending various religious education classes and various programs through the church and volunteering and of course attending mass at least once a week on Sunday’s if not more… so naturally we were supposed to be on our best behavior and were acting like good God fearing Christians… it was all very surreal and fascinating and even a bit scary to me being so young and impressionable… and for years, i like most Catholics, fell right into the religious submission and fear of God and was always well behaved like a good little citizen at all times and did only the things i knew Jesus and God would approve of and said my prayers and what not… at any rate i don’t know what the hell exactly caused me to go from sweet innocent “christ like” child one minute then suddenly overnight into the blasphemous little pervert girl you all know and love today but one day in church when i was still pretty young… maybe 12 years old or so…i just started day dreaming and thinking all sorts of crazy impure thoughts about what was going on under the priests and nuns robes and habits and i would imagine that they were naked under there and that with just one false move those robes and habits could somehow come off and they would be standing there in front of us naked… and that led to all kinds of dirty shit in my head. i used to wonder if the priests would touch themselves or get hard while hearing confessions or if they were banging the nuns secretly… or if they found themselves attracted to any of the church goers and perhaps having some secret lusty forbidden affairs… the idea of them committing such unholy acts and going against their sworn life of abstinence and purity and doing these dirty sexy lustful forbidden things used to make my naughty parts tingle in church or anytime i thought about it for that matter… for some reason in my little perverted mind that was just the hottest thing in the world… it just did it for me back then and it still does it for me today… even though i am no longer a believer anymore… something about it is just too twisted hot! kind of ironic that with all the kid fucking that goes on in the catholic church to think that i am probably one of the few that was so deeply involved in the church scene that was not actually getting touched or fondled by any of the clergy… and i am the one kid that would have probably been into it. haha.
Austrian driver allowed 'pastafarian' headgear photo
An Austrian atheist has won the right to be shown on his driving-licence photo wearing a pasta strainer as “religious headgear”.
Niko Alm first applied for the licence three years ago after reading that headgear was allowed in official pictures only for confessional reasons.
Mr Alm said the sieve was a requirement of his religion, pastafarianism.
Later a police spokesman explained that the licence was issued because Mr Alm’s face was fully visible in the photo.
“The photo was not approved on religious grounds. The only criterion for photos in driving licence applications is that the whole face must be visible,” said Manfred Reinthaler, a police spokesman in Vienna.
He was speaking on Wednesday, after Austrian media had first reported Mr Alm’s reason for wearing the pasta strainer.
After receiving his application the Austrian authorities had required him to obtain a doctor’s certificate that he was “psychologically fit” to drive.
According to Mr Reinthaler, “the licence has been ready since October 2009 - it was not collected, that’s all there is to it”.
The idea came into Mr Alm’s noodle three years ago as a way of making a serious, if ironic, point.
A self-confessed atheist, Mr Alm says he belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a light-hearted, US-based faith whose members call themselves pastafarians.
A medical interview established the self-styled “pastafarian” was mentally fit to drive The group’s website states that “the only dogma allowed in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the rejection of dogma”.
In response to pressure for American schools to teach the theory known as intelligent design, which some Christians favour as an alternative to natural selection, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster wrote to the Kansas School Board asking for the pastafarian version of intelligent design to be taught to schoolchildren.
Straining credulity
In the same spirit, Mr Alm’s pastafarian-style application for a driving licence was a response to the Austrian recognition of confessional headgear in official photographs.
The licence took three years to come through and, according to Mr Alm, he was asked to submit to a medical interview to check on his mental fitness to drive but - straining credulity - his efforts have finally paid off.
It is the police who issue driving licences in Austria, and they have duly issued a laminated card showing Mr Alm in his unorthodox item of religious headgear.
When asked for his reaction to Mr Reinthaler’s comments, Mr Alm told the broadcaster ORF: “I didn’t know I was guilty of not collecting it. That doesn’t alter the fact that it still took nearly a year [to be issued]”.
The next step, Mr Alm told the Austrian news agency APA, is to apply to the Austrian authorities for pastafarianism to become an officially recognised faith.
A national day of prayer”? Does that scare the spine out of anyone? Especially when you consider that it’s all those dog-shit religions that start these fucking wars to begin with. Ninety percent of every war that’s ever been fought is because of some made-up, mind control, completely fictional religion. You never hear in the news, “200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the north”. No, it’s because you got a silly, placebo religion cuz you don’t want to admit that you don’t fucking know.
The Catholics Come Home Commercial
From Real Time with Bill Maher (11/03/11)
Hilarious!
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